How can I capture the state of mind of being in the in-between, when I consciously self-observe my subconsciousness?
I did this project when I just got a mental breakdown. The mental stress was so extreme that I was unable to cope. It was the state of mind between consciousness and subconsciousness, where I almost stepped out of my physical body, watched it happens, but I couldn’t do anything about it or control it. It’s the moment I consciously observed my subconsciousness exploded. I captured this state of mind by drawing - intended to be unintentional. I didn’t plan what I was going to draw.
I let my hand follows my subconsciousness and my emotion at that very moment. I screen-recorded the drawing process.
When I rewatched the videos, I realized that I - as the audience - perceived it in a very different way. It was the experience of being an outsider looking into a person’s mind, observing their flows of mind by following the brush stroke drawn on the blank canvas. As the watcher, I can’t intervene in the drawing process, or in other words, the flows of mind, even though it was my very own mind. I see the similarity in these two subjects: my state of mind while having a mental breakdown and my action of rewatching the drawing videos. They also represent my interpretation of Sleepwa[l]king - being in the in-between.
How can I capture the state of mind of being in the in-between, when I consciously self-observe my subconsciousness?
